HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?

Hello World! I'm baaack!

For the past week I've been thinking about writing down my thoughts.  Thoughts on fitness, lifting weights, eating healthy, body image, depression, time management, shopping, food marketing, business, and momhood.  Soo much has been running through this crazy brain of mine that sometimes I feel like I'm in meltdown mode because of course, these are the things that are weighing on my mind, happening to me in the moment, and driving me kookoo. I figure the best way to get them out of my mind/off my chest is to write it down.
Its been such a long time since I have posted here, 2 yrs?  A lot has changed, for one, since this is a health blog, I must admit that 1 year after I started my new job I gained thirty pounds.  A year after that I gained another thirty-six pounds and gave birth to a healthy ten pound baby and now I am currently back to my pre-pregnancy weight,  230lbs.  My son is currently 4 months old.
I am elated that I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight, sadly, at this weight I am considered obese.  I feel it too, I am heavy and at 34 years of age it doesn't get easier to lose the weight.  It gets harder.  Since having my precious boy, I've spent hours online looking at the most efficient ways to lose weight, mostly fat, and to tone up.  I've learned incredible things, and have seen amazing women push their bodies to the limit and get the results that they wanted or never knew they could have.  I want to be that woman.  I want to be strong, I want muscles, definition, and I want to be lean.
My GOAL is to get back to 200 lb. by August 2014, I know its totally doable if I give it my 200%.
By 200% I mean eating clean, lifting weights, and adding in cardio to that.  Its that simple. Hah.  I wish.  It's going to take a lot of planning, preparing, and more planning, but planning is not really my strong suit.  I think that if I get the planning down, I will CONQUER!  Example, today is the second day of my second week of being IN this, and I binged all day, I had no food plan and no workout plan, and yesterday was no different.  So starts the cycle.  But, at 10pm, after eating only sugar today I got in a workout, and I feel fantastic, and tomorrow I will go full force.  But I need to plan tonight before I hit my pillow or else I am setting myself up to fail.
So what's the purpose of this post?  To let you know that I am in the game and I will 'HWEEN'! And hopefully to have some accountability to someone other than myself.  Because I want it bad, but I have my moments-and that's where you come in.
Let me just mention the hardest thing for me is to want results so fast that its a huge disappointment when I don't see those results; and its worse when I think I am progressing then see a picture of myself and I look the same.  It kills me and makes me discouraged.  Now that I've written that down I feel like I can jump this hurdle next time it occurs and remind myself that it takes time, and only consistency in the plan will get me there.
Lastly, I'm gonna ask myself, "HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?" This should get me through this week.  What you think?

End of Week 2

where are my boobs? the more I lose weight
the flatter they get and sports bras never
help the situation.

This week has been the most lazy week of my life, I have been exercising(cardio) everyday but since Wednesday I have not done any toning.  I'm telling myself right now that next week I'm going to kill it with the toning.  As far as my weight right now I am sitting at 202-204lbs, I thought I would pass the 200lb threshold but apparently not.  I am seeing results on my body, I don't look as pudgy, i think my arms are slimming down, my love handles are smoothing out, and my legs are shedding some fat-good progress!  The question is, is it enough to reach my goals in 10 more weeks???  I don't think it is.  This week I am proud of myself for sticking to my diet, for not having any juice or soda, not eating any candies or ice cream, and not giving into the usual unhealthy meals that I make for my family.  I have also been super good about getting a good Zumba workout everyday.

I am seeing improvement in my energy and stamina during workouts, but I want to have enough umpf that I'm not totally dying while I am teaching Zumba.  Losing weight is definitely helping me in my life to feel better and to do more things, I also feel that it has a healthy effect on my brain, it helps me to be more leveled and clear headed.  These past few days I have not logged my foods in the food logger, and I know if I don't get back on it my motivation will wittle.  So, I've already logged my food for today so far.  I'll go take a look at my before picture and ponder on the fact that in 10 weeks I'll be taking better looking photos.  Last thing, my knees are acting all weird and sometimes hurting, I have no idea what is going on but I'm being positive.  Happy fitness!

Mar 11, lazy Sunday

No exercise today, and 2444 calories consumed. I'll be working hard this week, lowest I've reached is 201lbs, trying to pass the 200lb threshold. I'll let u know when I do.

March 10 stats

CAPOEIRA this morning was off the hook, best workout ever, you learn a martial art, and its fun-once you stop hating it because its harder than it looks.

2950 calories burned(of which 385-500 were from exercise)
1333 calories consumed
1620 calorie deficit

current weight: 204

Things I have given up on in the past 6 days, anything sugary, soda, juice, candy, sugar, cookies, sweet cereals, most salty things, no salt in food, no salty meals, no adding salt to anything.

As I have been logging my meals I noticed the amount of fat I've been eating, and the cholesterol in different foods, I've also been keeping an eye on my proteins, and I am kind of at awe at all the fats I had previously been eating, all the cholesterol my body has been intaking, and just the amount that I had been consuming these things.  So, I made it my goal to keep my fat intake down very low, that way when i burn calories it will be burning the fat around my butt...you get the idea.  Also I want to keep my cholesterol down, and usually I never think, oh that big mushroom burger from Apollo burgers has 500mg of cholesterol(which by the way is extremely past our daily allowance), but when you actually consider that it is filled with something that can clog your arteries, it makes you reconsider taking that bite.  Which is why I love this food logger, I log all my foods and it actually breaks down how many calories, fats, fiber, protein etc,. is in each item.  Love it, it also keeps me from over eating.
Just to show you I'll compare yesterdays stats with todays
Mar 9
             cal   prot  fat  carb fiber  cholesterol

1482

94

56

185

24

304

Mar 10

Total:

1333

87

35

171

18

85